All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
