Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
