Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
