First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
