NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
