you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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