So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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