you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize