Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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