You're my little dorito
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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