I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
