Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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