I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
