I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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