Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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