you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
