***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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