Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
