So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
