walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
