Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
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