I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
