Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
