i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize