he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they're like a gay fantastic four
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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