At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
