I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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