I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
