I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
