Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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