My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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