All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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