I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
