and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
