he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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