I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
