Do you still have your period?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
