whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
