that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
