You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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