I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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