I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
