I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
