Apparently you make a good broom.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
