Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
