you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
