hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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