So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
