He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
