I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is the high leading the old right now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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