i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
