My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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