Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
