so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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