I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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