He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
