i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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