i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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