just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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