So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
