Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
