theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
